English as the official language of Europe
EUROPEAN UNION
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications,
rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has been accepted a five year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft
"c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also,
the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this
klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make
words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter. In the third year, publik
akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary "0" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and
similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst
plas...
-- Source unknown
See also
